October 2, 2008
While on vacation in Colorado, I was sitting in a hotel lobby sipping coffee and enjoying the morning solitude. Little did I know the day was about to present a barrage of random questions.
First up, a highly detailed woman (in my husband's car vernacula, someone who is perfectly dressed) sat down across from me and started chatting.
First thing out of her mouth was this. "You look like someone who pays attention to her weight. Have you ever heard of the liquid diet? Eat normally one day, and the next consume only liquids."
I said no I had not heard of that and wondered mildly why she asked me.
Later in the day while browsing in a bookstore, a customer next to me queried, "So have you read much about puppy mills? Do you know how terrible they are? There is a new book out that investigates puppy mills. It has a white poodle on the cover and a red background but I can't remember the name."
Still later while visiting a museum, the kindly attendant offered, "This newspaper is just wonderful," she continued while pointing to the morning paper on her lap. Did you see today's headline about the new wind farms in our state?"
Another woman, a complete stranger, interrupted before I could answer, "Your makeup is very nice dear and suits you well, but I know of a product that will take those lines away around your mouth and eyes. You should get some; it is only $95 a bottle. It will tighten your face up right away. Would you like the website?"
At dinner, I asked the waiter if the French onion soup was good. Giving a detailed explanation, he remarked that yes it was his favorite and that the onions are cooked to perfection. He provided expert commentary on the soup's ingredients and then asked, " Do you want to know a wonderful surprise within the soup? There is a full bay leaf at the bottom."
Back in the hotel lobby at the end of the day, I encountered the highly detailed gal once again and foolishly decided to ask a question of her before she could interrogate me any further.
"Are you here for the Aspen tour, too," I asked.
"Get real," she snapped. "I am here for the gambling. I come to this charming little town to play the slots, not to see the trees. I don't mind losing a little money either; I just hate to pay for the gas to drive here."
"Oh," I said.
"Gee, I am so sorry I have to take my husband a cup of coffee just now. Thanks for the nice visit," I lied.
Before I could escape she meddled, "So what are your politics? What do you think of this crazy election? I'll tell you what I think."
I never looked back and darted for our room where I immediately checked my face in the mirror. Could I possibly have a neon sign on my forehead that flashes, "Go ahead and say any darn thing you please. Ask me anything."
